Parents Circle—Families Forum (Rachel Frierson)

Parents Circle—Families Forum: A Conversation with Ali Abu-‘Awad and Rami Elhanan
16 July 2008
Report submitted by Rachel Frierson

In order to get a full picture of Israel we must be challenged to explore not only the country but the conflicts as well. Prior to coming to Israel we all had our own notions of what the Palestinian-Israeli conflict was. However the opportunity to meet those engaged in the conflict has enlightened us emotionally and mentally. Thanks to Nate’s family we had the opportunity to speak with the non-profit peace group called the Parents Circle—Families Forum (PCFF).

The Parents Circle is a bi-national group of roughly 500 families who have all paid the ultimate price because of the conflict. The main goal of the group is to encourage discussion between both sides of conflict. The reality is that without negotiations and communication nothing will change. To promote this goal the Parents Circle has been involved in numerous peace efforts around the world. They have put up tents in Gaza and Tel Aviv, invited Palestinians to give blood in Israel and Israelis to give blood in the Territories, they have established a phone line called “Hello Peace” through which one million calls were made between the two sides, and they placed 1200 coffins outside the UN with Palestinian and Israeli flags on them. Those are just a few examples of their demonstrations, but they also have engaged in discussion themselves. The men we met with, Rami and Ali, have traveled the world speaking with different groups, youth or adult, to promote the ideas of dialogue and peace. We were lucky enough to be one of those groups. We heard the stories of these two “brothers “who were both broken down by the conflict but strong enough to stand up and speak for peace.

Rami is a graphic designer by profession, and a 7th generation Jew from Israel. His story centers on the holiest day in the Jewish calendar Yom Kippur. It was on this day that he fought against the Egyptians in the Sinai during the Yom Kippur War of 1973. Here Rami experienced extreme loss of life of his friends and became disillusioned and disconnected due to the war and conflict. Exactly ten years later, on the eve of Yom Kippur, his daughter, Smadar, was born. He raised his family in the confines of a happy Israeli life; they did not know any Palestinians and did not let the conflict affect them negatively. Then 14 years later on September 4th, 1997 his daughter was walking down the pedestrian mall on Ben Yehuda Street in Jerusalem. That day, a few weeks before Yom Kippur, Rami would lose the joy in his life that made him forget about the conflict. Three suicide bombers simultaneously blew themselves up, killing several young Israelis and wounding many others. Rami rushed from hospital to hospital and finally the morgue only to find his world had collapsed—Smadar was one of the five young Israeli casualties that fateful day. During shiva (the Jewish seven days of mourning) he was left with numerous questions: What should I do with this anger? Should I retaliate? How can I stop others from feeling my pain? A religious Jew by the name of Yitzhak Frankenthal who knew Rami came to sit shiva with him and told him about this group, the Parents Circle. This religious Jew had had his son kidnapped by Hamas in 1994, so he too had faced the questions Rami had. The religious Jew invited him to the Parents Circle conference. Rami attended hesitant because after his pain he had no hope for peace. As he stood watching at the conference he saw famous Israelis that he respected walk in the door. Then he watched the Palestinian families crying and at the age of forty-seven he met a Palestinian for the first time as a human being. He realized their pain was his pain, and from that moment forward he would work with them to forge path for peace. Rami continues his work in the Parents Circle because he feels that only through dialogue can the cycle of blood be ended. Rami says: “We are not doomed—we can break once and for all this endless cycle, there is only one way to do it by talking to one another.” Rami’s work has left him listening and fighting to stop the pain of others and this is how he met his “brother”—a Palestinian man named Ali.

For us this was the second time we were meeting a Palestinian in a political setting (the other time was in the town of Silwan, site of the ancient City of David, where some of the local Arabs are waging a protest against the archaeological explorations under their homes). However, this time, we had the opportunity to hear a Palestinian and an Israeli speaking side-by-side.We came interested in their stories and as soon as these two men sat down next to one another and called each other brother we knew we would learn a positive message. Ali grew up in the Occupied Territories in a village outside Hebron with a mother who was actively involved in the PLO. Already as a teenager he was angered at being a refugee within the Territories and the problems encountered by his people. He felt that in his youth he was taught to hate because of his economic status. He joined the PLO during the First Intifada and threw rocks at Israeli forces. Also during this time he was arrested during the riots and by the age of 15 Ali was already in jail. He was imprisoned for being a Fatah activist (Fatah is the biggest component within the PLO). After he got out of prison a few months later he found himself higher up in the PLO, but then he and his mother were arrested again. This time he was in jail for four years. During his time in prison, in 1993, he and other prisoners went on a hunger strike for seventeen days. His personal motivation was to be allowed to see his mother, and eventually his demand was met, confirming his belief in the efficacy of non-violent protest in the manner of Mohandas Ghandi. After this strike worked he had a revelation: non violent means equal non violent ends. He was excited by the prospects of the 1992 Oslo accords, but as peace continued to fall apart so did his world. While living in Jericho he was shot in the knee by an Israeli settler. To this day Ali still carries with him twelve pieces of that bullet as a reminder of the price he has had to pay. However, the bullet in the knee wasn’t nearly as heart wrenching as the news that his brother—an innocent civilian bystander—had been shot point blank in the head by an Israeli. Ali has lost land, freedom, rights and finally a older brother who had been everything for him. At this point in his life he attempted to close himself off to the world he had fought for so long and had lost so much to. But he realized that was useless because he was always going to be part of the conflict: there were soldiers in his neighborhoods and tanks in his town and he knew he needed to be part of the solution. After his brother’s death his mother invited someone from the Parents Circle into his house. For the first time in his life he realized the Israeli Jew before him was no different than him, both were hurting and longing for peace. It is then that he joined the Parents Circle in order to help kids from becoming the angry kid he was. If the youth on both sides understand that the killing of anyone is a crime then maybe peace can be achieved. Ali has traveled to twenty-five different countries preaching that in order for things to change people need a reason to live for, not a reason to die for and that dialogue is the first way to start the change.

After Ali and Rami presented their stories, we had an opportunity to ask them a few questions. Most of our questions centered around whether they feel they have made progress and what the problems the conflict faces today. The Parent Circle is sure they have made progress—people are talking and politicians are listening. Rami and Ali have stories of the politicians they have spoken to who want peace but are not making it happen. However, according to them, the best way for people to work towards peace is to know the problems and the issues. According to them, it’s not about being pro-Israel or pro-Palestine, it’s about being pro-Humanity, because we all have blood on our hands.

In the beginning of this report I said that a lot of us came to this meeting with our own notions of what was going on. But something Rami said signified the problems with peace: “Americans don’t really know what’s going on, nor do they get the facts. Because of this they find themselves in our own little bubbles and isolated from the reality faced by those living in the rest of the world.” That was the second time we’d heard that comment in one day. Typically at hearing such a comment, most Americans would be offended, but I’m pretty sure none of us were. Part of living here is accepting that our lack of knowledge contributes to the problem. Luckily we have brave brothers like Rami and Ali to give us more facts about the issues that we’ll face in our futures.