Haredi Lifestyle—Emily Forrest

There are many misconceptions that surround the Haredi community. Many people pass judgment on the Haredi people and fail to investigate why many of their customs are in place. Through conducting interviews and spending time with a Haredim family, I was able to understand the impressions people got from the Haredi community and also understand the other side of the story. While conducting interviews I realized a lot of people only created opinions of the Haredim by things they had observed, rather than getting to know the Haredi people. I decided then to take it upon myself and develop a relationship with a Haredim family to better understand their laws.

Sarah and Shel Frankel immigrated to Israel in the mid 1990’s from the United States and have begun raising a family here in Jerusalem. With three young girls, the Frankels have instilled their Ultra Orthodox values in their daughters by strictly following Jewish Law. Through observing family interactions and dinner conversations I was able to really appreciate their way of life. Though it may be different, the values they’re teaching their children are completely justified and understandable given their explanations. Although this is not how I would raise my children, given their passion for their faith this is the correct lifestyle for their family. Before discussing their family traditions I was very judgmental of their lifestyle. I shared the same feelings as many of the people I interviewed that the Haredi Laws were extremely pro-male advancement and completely left women in the background. Although, after discussing Jewish Law with the Frankels their story made the Haredi community more human, and legitimized their lifestyle. I was able to learn and understand, and really appreciate their ideals.

Before meeting with the Frankels I conducted interview around Hebrew University’s campus to a mixture of people from all diverse backgrounds. The main consensus that I got was many people felt the Haredim were a very anti-feministic society. One girl mentioned, “The gender roles are clearly marked and heaven forbid anyone cross them.” This female is referring to her observations of a pregnant woman pushing a baby cart up a steep Jerusalem hill while her husband walked up the same hill. Women are in charge of all household duties and making money to support the family. The largest confusion is that Haredi men don’t give their wife’s recognition for the work they do to support their husbands. A male I interviewed said he feels it would be great to just study the Torah and not do any work. Although he was sarcastic, the impression that men don’t have an equal share of marital duties exists among people outside of the community.

While instances like this girl described happen, other ways of appreciating wives occur. While I visited the Frankel family I observed Sarah doing all the picking up and took immediate responsibility to her children. But looking in Shel’s eyes it was obvious he longed for more involvement in his children’s lives. While sitting with him he said, “They don’t love me as much as they love her [Sarah].” He looked at Sarah has having the most influence in their children’s lives and he said he felt he missed out on a lot of things because she was always their “go-to” person. While people believed men in Haredi communities do not want to cross those gender roles, once you enter the home and you put society aside it seems men long to have more involvement. The Haredi society puts a lot of pressure on men to study the Torah and stick to those gender roles, so disregarding society and entering the safe haven of the home, people can show their true desires.

Along with desiring more family involvement there are religious traditions that show men’s appreciation to their wives. Lighting the Shabbat candles, symbolizing the start of the holiest day, gives women much pride and importance in the celebration. Also before the dinner the husband sings a blessing to his wife. The words, “Her husband laces his trust in her and only profits thereby,” show the dedication the husband has towards his wife and how he could not go on without her by his side. Later in the blessing the man recognizes all that she does for him and the family and praises her for her “strength and dignity.” Every week the man sings this blessing to his wife, and it truly shows his dedication to her.

On the contrary there are negative forces towards women within the community. While women are given the opportunity to enter the work force and make money for their family, many people recently fear women are becoming too independent and therefore delaying their family obligations of getting married and having a family. A recent article in Haaretz shows the ruling of the Rabbinic Council to limit the education of women. Before women were educated in many different subjects such as literature, science, math and history in order to prepare them for the workforce. Now, the Rabbinic Council believes, “This has shifted the balance of power within ultra-Orthodox society. The women have established themselves as breadwinners, and as more educated and independent.” Statics have shown that today, more and more girls are delaying getting married and having children. This threatens the entire Ultra Orthodox society and the Rabbinic Council feels the best decision would to halt bachelor degree programs. This would result in only allowing women to complete their teaching certificate. This would then “solve” the problem of delayed marriages and allow women to have children.

Although this article oppresses women by discontinuing their education it is not the entire consensus of the community. Only a small majority of people feel women are becoming unruly because of their independence received by education. While education is being limited, women are branching out in their clothing and embracing their femininity. More women are buying wigs, still covering their hair, but also still feeling beautiful in their skin. Clothing is changing; the idea that all Haredi women only wear dark colors is changing. More women are dressing in lighter and brighter colors showing off their figures. While walking through the streets of a Haredi community you can see the divide in “old” Haredim and “new” Haredim. The “new” are still following Jewish law but are changing their style of dress to show off their femininity.

While the clothing is beginning to change in some Haredi sects, others are sticking to the traditional Polish clothing. Men who wear black hats, ¾ length jackets and pants, show their dedication to their heritage and modesty. Men also wear Tzitzit, a 4-cornered shirt with tassels representing Moses’ 4-corner garment. The call to wear this 4-cornered jacket is in Numbers and Deuteronomy in the Jewish Bible. The men also show their manhood by not shaving their beards as soon as the first boy is born into the family. Women have the same type of customs. Their clothing shows their commitment to modesty. Women cover their hair when married, wear long sleeved shirts, long skirts and often cover their legs with either socks or pantyhose. When I discussed this clothing style with Sarah she liked dressing this way. Some people, she felt, believed the clothing is made to make women unattractive, but she feels it’s more to be less attracting. By not dressing provocatively men are less accustomed to approach you and make sexual references. She mentioned, ‘As a married woman I do not want men coming up to me in inappropriate manners, and neither do I want that for my children.” By dressing to these modest standards the Haredi community is channeling provocative behavior and creating an age appropriate community.

Some people feel the dress code for women is sexists in that it doesn’t allow women to show their individuality. One argument against this is the evolution of clothing within the Haredi community. The fact that women are beginning to now wear wigs, and are outwardly expressing themselves by different colors and styles, shows the evolution of clothing within the Haredim. Others would argue that men and women are held to the same modesty requirements. Therefore, this is not a sexist community because both sexes are treated the same and held to the same standards.

Although these counterarguments exists the people I interviewed still felt that women were hiding themselves under clothing; sacrificing their femininity to control the urges of males. One female said, “why should they [women] pay the price for mans inability to control their urges and stay focused on the Torah.” When I discussed this argument with Shel, he said, “What are men supposed to do, stay inside?” Instead both men and women are held to the same modesty standards and are both able to focus on studying the Torah. One Rabbi in Huntingwoods, Michigan said, these temptations for the opposite sex are natural, and in order to keep temptations at the minimum and not control peoples lives would be to enforce modesty and Kosher rules.

Lastly, most people I interviewed had some misunderstandings on the religious practices of the Haredim. Some people misunderstood the intention for separating the sexes in daily life and in Synagogue. The Haredim believe it is the best way to keep people focused on God. By channeling temptations for the opposite sex to something greater such as your relationship with God, the Haredim constitute gender separation. Also some people disagree with the extreme view Haredim follow the Torah. Some non-religious Jews feel by taking every passage literally is somewhat obsessive. The Haredim, on the opposing side, feel that by following Jewish Law they are singlehandedly brining the coming of the Messiah.

There are many misconceptions surrounding the Haredi community. Many people disagree with the separation of sexes in social and religious settings, claiming this is one of many customs that constitutes anti-feministic behavior. While members of the Haredi community feel this type of separation allows people to channel their temptations for a greater good. Others feel the gender roles and educational institutes continue to put females in the background. After speaking with the Frankel’s I received explanations for all these customs and traditions of the Haredi community. Although some of the explanations do not fully change doubter’s minds, hopefully they do bring awareness to the Haredi belief systems.